How I Came to Know

I once heard Dallon H. Oaks, a leader of our church refer to the gospel of Jesus Christ as a piano, the keys like the individual pieces of doctrine that make up the fullness of the gospel. Doctrines like faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism, and the gift of the Holy Ghost; and virtues like humility, charity, hope, service, and sacrifice; and devotions like prayer, scripture reading, church attendance and obedience; together make up the instrument that produces the soul soothing music of everlasting life. In order to experience the fullness of joy the gospel can bring you, one must learn to play each key in harmony with all of the others, this is why conversion to the gospel of Jesus Christ does not happen all at once, but key by key, or as the scriptures say, “line upon line, and precept upon precept.” As a life long member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I have gained my testimony of the gospel one key at a time. When I was young I played the sweet simple song of childlike faith, but as I grew in experience and was blessed by the companionship of the Holy Ghost I began to understand the depth of the gospel symphony. As I have become more familiar with the keys on this divine instrument I am more and more aware of how empty my life would be if I were missing even one of these precious truths, or one of these heavenly notes that have made my life complete.

The purpose of learning to play the music of the gospel and to recognize its cords is that only through the gospel of Jesus Christ can we return home to our Father in Heaven and reach our eternal potential as sons and daughters of God, as the scriptures say, “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.” (John 17:3) All of the doctrines are in their place for this purpose, but without the correct understanding of God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ the keys will not be in tune. This is wear it began for me, this was the first melody I remember, I cannot remember a time in my young life when I did not know that I had a loving Father in Heaven, who was in reality my Father, and I was his daughter, and he loved me. I felt this truth deeply, and I had faith that he would always watch over me and care for me. I can remember almost as a matter of course when I was sad, scared, or lonely I would pray to my Father in Heaven and I would feel as though I were wrapped in a warm blanket and cuddled in his arms. It is a sensation that I have never forgotten.

One such moment that I can remember in detail happened when I was twelve years old. It was Christmas time and my family had gone to Ragged Mountain in Colorado for the holiday. There were several cabins around a small pond on the property, and my parents had decided to put the children in a cabin separate from that of the adults. One night after sledding all day long in the beautiful white snow that blanketed the mountain, I woke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. I felt horrible, my body violently shook with cold chills but strangely I was sweating and my head was burning. I had never felt so sick in my life. I wrapped myself in a blanket from my bed and went to a chair near the fireplace to try to get warm. I sat in the chair and cried the desperate cry of a sick child calling for her mom. “Mom,” I sobbed “help me mom, I need you.” My cries became more and more desperate until a clear thought came to my mind as surly as it was placed there by God, “She isn’t coming.” And I remember my silent response, “that’s true, she can’t here me.” I felt all alone, cold, and desperate, and as my teeth chattered and body quaked I cried softer as I tried to figure out what to do, I even thought perhaps I would walk to her cabin, but realized I couldn’t leave the warmth of the cabin in the dark cold night. Almost as soon as I had that thought I did something that had become as natural to me as crying for mom when I was sick I let out the cry “Father, help me!” Over and over I called out to my Father in Heaven, knowing that my mother could not help me, but my Father could. That was the last thing I remembered that night I fell asleep in that chair, and woke the next morning feeling refreshed as if I had never been sick. In my childness I got up got dressed and went about the day as if nothing had happened, but I never forgot the experience, an experience that would come back to me in all of its significance throughout my life as a reminder to me of how I know my Father lives and loves me.

Coming to understand my Savior Jesus Christ and his role in my relationship with the Father took a little more time. To explain why this is I must explain how my beliefs differ from that of most Christian creeds. One of the doctrines of the restored gospel that I believe helps us to know God better, is the doctrine of the God Head. We believe that there are three separate and distinct members of the God head, namely God the Father, his Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. We believe that they are one God in purpose, glory, and power, but not in body. We believe that they are embodied, and that God the Father has a resurrected glorified body of flesh and bones as does Christ, his Son; though we do not believe the Holy Ghost has a body but believe that he is a spirit.

I have always believed this is true, the most important reason that I believe it is true is because I believe that Joseph Smith did in reality see a vision of God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ, and that they were as he said two personages with glorified resurrected bodies of flesh and bones. I also believe that Joseph was called as a prophet of God to restore His Church to the earth, and that the principles Joseph taught were from God, the revelations Joseph received do not destroy the truths of the bible, but in fact they shed greater light and divine interpretation into the confusion of Christian Dogma. It is not the only account we have of this, but it is the most complete. I believe this is true because I have felt the spirit witness to my heart many times that it is true. Jesus himself testified of the truth of this doctrine in the New Testament over and over, as he testified of His Father in Heaven, and his divine Sonship. When Christ showed himself to his disciples after his resurrection he said, “Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.” (Luke 24:39)

As I said before out of the experiences in my youth I had gained a strong testimony that I was literally a daughter of God. Through the Spirit I had come to know who I was, as it says in the scriptures, “The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God” (Romans 8:16) I had faith in my Father in Heaven and I felt close to him, his love for me was a very important part of my life. Nonetheless my understanding of the Atonement and my own personal relationship with Christ came one step at a time as I grew; in fact I have to say that understanding the Atonement is a life long process that I am still in the middle of.

As and adult I once had a conversation with a friend of mine who was a member of another church, she questioned our practice of praying to God the Father but not to Jesus, she commented that this is another proof that I do not worship Christ, because in her opinion I did not correctly understand who Christ is. It was her belief that Christ and the Father are the same being or entity as she understood it. She asked me how I could have a relationship with Christ if I didn’t speak to him in prayer. When I was a young woman of thirteen or fourteen I asked my father that same question. After a church lesson about having a personal relationship with Christ, I went to my father concerned, I said, “Dad, I don’t know if I have a relationship with Christ; I have a very close relationship with my Father in Heaven because I pray to him and he is always near. I know my Savior died for me and I love the stories of Jesus, but I don’t feel as deeply about him as I do about my Father in Heaven. Is that bad? It worries me, because my teacher talked to us about gaining a personal relationship with Christ, how do I do that when I don’t pray to him?” My father did not answer right away, but he looked at me for a moment and then with quiet wisdom said, “As you grow older you will gain that type of relationship with Christ, but until then I want you to know that it makes your Savior Jesus Christ very happy that you have been able to develop such a close relationship with your Father and His; he is not jealous of your relationship, in fact your close relationship with the Father honors his sacrifice.”

I had no idea then how I would gain that personal relationship with Christ, but now that I am older I look back on my father’s words and am struck by the great wisdom in them. I was only a child then, I had not yet felt the grips of sin pulling me away from the bosom of my Fathers love, I had not yet wondered in diverse paths that left me separated from the Spirit and feeling helpless and lonely. As my father predicted, but in a way I never expected, I came to understand what it meant to have a personal relationship with my Savior. When I was a teenager I made some very bad choices, which led me away from my Father in Heaven until I felt cut off from the Spirit and my childhood relationship with God. I was miserable and when I realized what I had done and saw the consequences stretched out before me, I thought I would never feel that love again. I felt unworthy and could not pray the way I had as a child, it was terrifying and painful. It was because of this experience that I came to understand for the first time in my life that no matter what I had done I could come back into that fellowship with my Father I had always depended on, because my Savior had paid the price, I could be forgiven. As I came to understand this my heart sang the “song of redeeming love” (Alma 5:26), and I felt the deepest love and appreciation for my Savior. I know now that this is what Christ meant when he said “For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me…And this is the Father's will which hath sent me…that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life.” (John 6:38-40) He had come that I might be able to be sanctified to my Father and have the light of his love in my life, something that just could not be without Him.

So many times throughout my life my friends have asked me, “how can you know that what you say is true, how can you know for sure that your church is the true church?” This is how I came to know, it was a seed planted deep in my heart as a child and it grew by faith and by experience. It has filled my life with joy, and expanded my understanding of the Father and His Son who I love so deeply. Each key on this grand piano of restored truth is sweet to my soul; each precious truth fits perfectly into the symphony that inclines my heart to God. I have always believed that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, that he restored the fullness of the everlasting gospel of Christ in these last days, that he translated the Book of Mormon by the gift and power of God, and that one can come closer to God by reading this book than by any other. I have always known, but I have not always followed, that I had to choose to do on my own, my parents could teach me but I had to choose for myself if I would believe, if I would follow. When I was young I thought it was hard to take his yoke and follow him, and at one point in my youth I turned away from what I knew because I was tired of the sacrifice it required of me. What I learned was that the burden of sin was much heavier than the cross. I knew that I wanted another chance to follow Him, I understood for the first time that his yoke is easy and his burden is light, because it filled my life with joy. I decided then that I would not turn my back again, but that I would follow Him.