“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it… So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” – Ephesians 5:22-31
1 Peter chapter three teaches much about how to maintain a happy marriage, and yet, parts of the sermon are rejected by women today as oppressive to women because God admonishes women to “obey their husbands.” Like so many scriptural teachings that are rejected, the problem isn’t the teaching but that it is taken out of context and misunderstood by the hearer who will not open their heart with a sincere intent to understand its principle. Let's look at this chapter anew in all its context.
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any [husband] obey not the word [of God ], they also may without the word be won by the [Godly] conversation of the wives. While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
Peter encouraged Christian wives to be “in subjection” to their non-believing husbands who “obey not the word” in order to win them over for Christ by their righteous conduct. The use of the word subjection should not be understood as a passive or docile obedience. Rather, the words subjection and submissive are used in the scriptures to mean selflessness, humility, and love within relationships (see Hebrews 12:9). The mention of “conversation coupled with fear” is counsel to keep our conversation in the fear of the Lord, understood as reverence for God, it does not refer to fearing a husband. Remember God has asked us to be in subjection to him, to be submissive and humble, which humility is strength in the Lord. In a marriage this kind of humble submission to each other and the marriage is a principle of righteousness that helps us maintain our marriages in selflessness.
When Peter described women as the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7), he could have simply meant that in most cases women have less physical strength than men, which is true, and this reminder follows his admonition that husbands honor their wives. Peter did not imply that women are any less worthy than men in spirit; in fact, he went on to say that women are “heirs together [with men] of the grace of life.” (1 Peter 3:7; see also the commentary for Ephesians 5:21–25).
What follows these counsels to husband and wife is what qualifies how we are to apply these commandments in righteousness.
“Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion for one another… Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing… For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it. For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: … And who is he that will harm you, if ye be followers of that which is good? But and if ye suffer for righteousness’ sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid… neither be troubled; But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts…”. (1 Peter 3)
What is most important, is that the focus in all these passages is the focus on living Christ centered lives with both husband and wife being faithful to God; along with important reminders of the principles God taught us in how to love and live at peace even when it is hard to love, or we feel misused. There will be times of suffering in marriage, but we must be long-suffering and forgiving if we are to follow Christ in our marriages.
God commands women to submit to and obey their husbands. What does this command mean when a husband becomes abusive?
We all know what Christ has said about abuse. Abuse is a terrible sin. There is a hierarchy in commandments, and those commandments that deal with crimes against innocence are at the top. Men are repeatedly commanded to treat their wives as honors the trust he has been given by God. Women and children are meant to rest in the safety of his arms. The abuse of one’s spouse and children is a most serious offense before God.
“The exploitation of children, or the abuse of one’s spouse, for the satisfaction of sadistic desires is sin of the darkest hue” — Gordon B. Hinckley (in Conference Report, Oct. 1985)
For this reason, there are at least two reasons a relationship may need to be severed — at least physically — for the protection of the innocent; first is abuse, and second is adultery. Both sins are spoken of in scripture and have been cause for divorce under God given law.
Marriages and families are maintained upon principles of righteousness:
“What does it mean to love someone with all our hearts? It means with all our emotional feelings and our devotion. Surely when you love your wife with all your heart, you cannot demean her, criticize her, find fault with her, nor abuse her by words, sullen behavior, or actions” — Gordon B Hinckley (in Conference Report, Oct. 1983)
“There must be the Spirit of God, invited and worked for, nurtured and strengthened. There must be recognition of the fact that each is a child of God—father, mother, son, and daughter, each with a divine birthright—and also recognition of the fact that when we offend one of these, we offend our Father in Heaven” — Gordon B. Hinckley (in Conference Report, Apr. 1991)
The 6th commandment makes it imperative that we live faithful in the trust of our marriages, but if we are to do this we must study the principles of righteousness upon which marriages are maintained. The Lord has given us all that we need, if we but follow, to have the happy marriages we desire. Let’s spend some time delving into what the scriptures teach us about faithful marriage.
Be One! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it… So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” — Ephesians 5:25-31
“And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” — Matthew 16:19
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” — Proverbs 31:10-12
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